[Kamikaze] Hogan Doesn't Know Best - Mississippi Free Press

I make no secret of my love for professional wrestling. It’s a well-known fact among family and friends that I am not to be bothered while wrestling is on. Hell, I even make it a point not to schedule things that will conflict with these programs. And because wrestling comes on television at least once every day, except Wednesdays, you can imagine the maneuvering. As I’ve grown older, I’ve come to grips with the fact that it’s fake. The outcomes are staged, and the combatants are as much actors as they are athletes. But I don’t care. It’s the equivalent of a male soap opera, and I will forever be a fan of the story lines. For me, it’s the ultimate fantasy of good versus evil.

Hulk Hogan was always one of my favorites— the wrestler who extolled the virtues of “saying your prayers,” “taking your vitamins”(hopefully not steroids) and “training hard.” He was the indestructible force, the world champion who never lost a fair fight, the family man who stood up for God and country. I was indeed a Hulk-a-maniac.

But, alas, it may have all proven to be a most convincing ruse, an act he put on to make his family famous while not caring who he hurt to get it. I always knew that the “Hulkster” bit was a gimmick to make money, but I thought the guy I saw on the reality TV show “Hogan Knows Best” was his more docile alter-ego. I thought he was the over-protective father of the year, the guy who wept reading a poem to his wife, the loyal friend to his old wrestling buddies. He even made his kids get jobs to teach them the value of money and a good day’s work. But it was all for the cameras.

When reality bites, sometimes our true selves are revealed. When Hogan’s son Nick’s spoiled, reckless ways landed him in trouble that his celebrity name and money couldn’t fix, the true Hogans came out. Not only was Nick careless, not only has he crippled another person for life, but the Hogans—son included—feigned remorse in front of courtroom cameras only to later get caught plotting possible show opportunities after Nick’s jail stint ended.

The mother whined that she—not the mother of the comatose, paralyzed passenger—was suffering. The Hulk himself was recorded saying that his son’s friend was being “punished” for living a bad life. To top that off, the little chump Nick cried to “daddy” to have him removed from jail and put on house arrest because he “couldn’t take it.” That’s laughable. He’s not so tough now. I don’t think any of his cellmates got a chance to see an episode of “Hogan Knows Best.” All I can say is don’t drop the soap little Nicky. It couldn’t have happened to a more deserving kid.

The Hogans are ruined. Wrestling fans like me won’t touch him. His daughter can’t make another crappy pop album. It’s probably well enough because I was definitely done with the Hulkster. He has proven that fame and money can corrupt when left unchecked. He and his family are the celebrities who think they’re better than us, who think they are above the law and consequences facing normal people. We fans saw your true arrogance through conversations that you knew would be taped. You’re only now getting what you deserve. You, more than anyone, should know one thing: Bad guys always get theirs in the end.

And that’s the truth … sho-nuff.

Previous Comments

You summed up exactly how I feel about the situation. I’m still going to say my prayers and eat my vitamins though.

#131938 | Author: kudzuking | Date: Jul 9 2008

Nice job on the column, but wrasting ain’t fake. I saw the Spoiler put the sleeper hold on many villians and real blood seeped therefrom. I also saw Ernie “The Cat’ Ladd slap Chief Wahoo McDaniels when he was in a wheelchair already disabled from a previous attack. And the American Dream, Dusty Rhodes, is the greatestes wrastler of all times. Hogan maybe fake, but wrastling is real, for sho’. Believe that!

#131939 | Author: Walt | Date: Jul 9 2008

I also saw Jake “The Snake” Roberts put the DDT on Ms. Elizabeth. Ms. Elizabeth was always meddling in people matches and on one dreadful day she interferred in one of Jake’s matches, possibly stratching him in the face and blurring his vision, if memeory serves me correctly; and because he couldn’t see and thought he was handling a male opponent instead of Ms. Elizabeth he accidentally put the DDT on her. The stratching to his eyes not only blurred his vision but his mindset as well and he wasn’t able to detect or discern he was using the DDT on a woman of 110 pound or so instead a 250 to 300 pound man. An easy mistake that any pro wrastler could have made under the circumstances. Nall, I didn’t laugh, I’m a gentlemen, but I did bite a hole in my lip trying not to. Errors occur in wrestling.

#131940 | Author: Walt | Date: Jul 9 2008

Oh, you haven’t seen the commercial for the new show, “Brooke Knows Best,” have you? Yep, it looks pretty disgusting. She is getting her own place and pretending to be a wild party animal. They have figured out a way to keep putting on for the cameras – raking in piles of cash without having to talk about the son’s issues. By the way… did you see the episode when Nick decided he wanted to be a race car driver (I think it is called drift car racing)? He was not a good driver. Most people spend their lives training for this stuff, but his spoiled ass can just jump right in.

#131941 | Author: Tre | Date: Jul 9 2008