[Stiggers] McScruffie, the Crime Dog

“I know only three ways of living in society: one must be a beggar, a thief, or a wage earner.” Honore de Mirabeau (1749-1791)

Hello citizens! I’m McScruffie The Crime Dawg (kin to Deputy Dawg) here to promote a new security system created by the Pre-emptive Strike Force/Shoot First Ask Questions Later Crime Watch Association.

Many of our fellow citizens have expressed concerns regarding “crackheads” and “financially challenged” individuals wandering within upscale neighborhoods.We’ve received alarming reports about toothless crack fiends scheming on homeowners and handkerchief-headwrapped juveniles on bikes casing unoccupied homes.

Are our neighborhoods at HIGH RISK? NO! Not with the MDBA (My Dog Bites Azz) Home Security Pre-emptive Strike System! This security system has been proven to keep unwanted elements away from your home and possessions. The security system consists of:

1. A vicious Pre-emptive Strike attack dog.
2. A “My Dog Bites Azz” warning sign.
3. Complimentary reinforcement weapons (just in case your Strike Dog doesn’t work).

There is no charge for the MDBA Home Security System. Order your MDBA system and take “a chomp outta crime” now by calling 1-800-Bite-Azz, or via the Internet at http://www.tear-that-bootie-up.org
Ken Stiggers is a TV producer in Jackson.