Nancy Gaynor wakes up at 5 a.m. on a typical weekday. The 69-year-old Jackson resident has about an hour to herself before she must wake up her 9-year-old grandson Horace and help him get ready for school.
This has been the pairs’ routine since 2017 when Horace’s mother was killed in a car accident.
Following the accident, Horace’s father needed support raising his then 2-year-old son. When it became clear that her grandson could end up in foster care, Gaynor stepped in as his primary caregiver.
Doctor’s visits. PTA meetings. She has been by Horace’s side for most of it.
“He’s in the 3rd grade now. It’s challenging, but he’s my joy. He’s my pain and my joy at the same time,” she told the Mississippi Free Press.
By 7 a.m., grandma and grandson are headed out the door. Horace finds a seat in her van, fastening his seatbelt, and they’re off to school. Once Gaynor pulls out of the school drop-off line, the second part of her day begins.
‘The Village Coming Together’
After Nancy Gaynor drops her grandson, Horace, off at school, she pivots her attention from her role as grandmother to her role as chief executive officer. For those few hours between 7 a.m. and the time when she must pick her grandson up from school in the afternoon, she focuses her energy on the nonprofit organization Grandparents Really Do Matter.
Nearly four years ago Gaynor officially established the business, which supports other caregivers in the Jackson area who relate to her trials and tribulations of raising their children’s children.
The van she uses to commute her grandson to school becomes part delivery vehicle, part transport and part storage facility.
“I got a really good price on that van,” she told the Mississippi Free Press, pointing past the front door of her office and outside to the parking lot as she explained her routine. “I put the seats down, and I load it up,” she said.
A typical day might involve driving around the city gathering children’s clothes for the organization’s clothing closet or making sure the food pantry is stocked.
Some days, Gaynor gets on the phone and negotiates with friends for fresh fruits and vegetables that she can give to the caregivers in her program. Not long after those calls, bunches of turnip greens and bags of sweet potatoes stack the long, rectangular tables in her North Jackson office.
When she’s not making calls throughout the day, she’s receiving them–many times from other grandparents. Some are looking for help getting food or clothes. Others call just to vent for a few minutes.
However, much of the conversation is saved for the first Tuesday of the month, when Gaynor invites grandparents to gather for their monthly “Snack n’ Yak.” For a few hours, they get a break from their responsibilities. They lean on one another, relating over the shared duty that life has bestowed upon them for one reason or another.
Parental substance abuse, incarceration and death of a parent are among the many reasons grandparents take in their grandkids, a June 20, 2024 article AARP published reports.
Sometimes the parents “just need help with childcare, and that morphs into the grandparents raising the grandchildren,” sociologist LaShawnDa L. Pittman told USA Today on Dec. 27, 2023.
Pittman released the book Grandmothering While Black: A Twenty-First-Century Story of Love, Coercion, and Survival that same year.
Gaynor has heard a myriad of those stories from grandparents in Jackson.
They are transparent with one another about common challenges like understanding their grandchildren’s homework and victories like when one of their grandbabies finally graduates.
“I’ll be 70 in February, and here I am being a parent all over again,” Gaynor said. “And with all of my education, that third-grade math be kicking my butt, and that reading comprehension is insane.”
They also open up about what they feel they are missing out on because of the responsibilities they must bear in their golden years.
For single grandparents, that sometimes includes a desire for romantic partnership. “We may be old, but we ain’t cold,” she said.
When they gather, it’s a time for fellowship. They socialize and laugh together. But they leave space for tears, too, Gaynor said.
“You listen to other people and you share resources,” she explained. “It’s the village coming together. We have to realize we’re not an island by ourselves.”
“The village is important. In Africa we understood that,” she continued. “A solid village is the people who can meet the needs you have. If my grandson needs a male role model, who in my village can help?”
Eventually, she wants to expand the “Snack n’ Yak” social gathering to occur on the first Saturday of each month as well, to serve as an additional option for those who cannot attend on weekdays.
Gaynor hesitates to call the organization a support group. Instead, she thinks of it as a social club. “It’s technically a support group, but we don’t call it that, OK? We just snack and yak,” she said.
“‘Support group’ sounds like, ‘You need some help,’” she continued. “We know we need help, but we don’t have to tell everybody.”
Mission, Ministry and Movement
In addition to the monthly “Snack n’ Yak,” once a year Nancy Gaynor hosts the Grandparents Really Do Matter banquet. There, celebrity waiters—everyone from Hinds County elected officials to law-enforcement officers—sign up to fix plates, pour drinks and wait on the elderly caregivers.
In the weeks leading up to Christmas, Gaynor also partners with local law enforcement to host an annual toy drive for children between the ages of 8 and 12.
“I know Jesus is the reason for the season,” Gaynor said. “But kids want toys.”
When asked why she continues to do the work, Gaynor said her faith drives her mission.
“It’s God. It’s a mission that’s a ministry and a movement. I don’t have a choice,” she said.
Beyond what Grandparents Really Do Matter has already accomplished, Gaynor envisions doing more. A community magazine where grandparents can share their stories is one goal. A tutoring program staffed with volunteers is another.
Ultimately, she wants to host her “Snak n’ Yak” social club at churches around the capital city.
Next March, the grandmother will help Horace celebrate his 9th birthday. “Prayerfully, he’s going to go to college, and that’s when I’ll get my break,” she said.
Nancy Gaynor is continually seeking volunteers who can help maintain the organization’s food pantry, provide tutoring services to students and complete clerical tasks. To volunteer or contribute financially, call Gaynor at 601-942-6280. The “Snack n’ Yak” social club gathers on the second Tuesday and second Saturday of each month. Call for more information. She continues to welcome prayers that the organization can expand its reach.
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