I went to “The Vagina Monologues” last weekend, and it turns out that it wasn’t that bad after all. After I was “told” I would be going, I prepared myself for all of the “controversy” and “profanity” that I was supposed to hear. Frankly, I’ve heard more vulgar language in the stands at a JSU football game. What I did hear were passionate stories about life, love and sex—horror stories about rape and mutilation tempered with stories of discovery and triumph. And all from a woman’s point of view.
In the days preceding the show, I had been privy to many conversations about the show. Some folks were happy about the performance coming to Jackson. Others were a little puzzled. Others didn’t want any part of it. When someone mentioned the show around most of the guys I know, we would just laugh nervously and hope someone changed the subject—not because we are chauvinists, but perhaps because the thought of listening to stories from a woman’s point of view made us uncomfortable.
When I first heard about the show, I thought to myself: “Why is this necessary? Why are these women making such a big fuss over a play?” But as I heard the graphic stories of the women in the Congo, I thought back to my first Crooked Lettaz record and how David Banner and I featured a rapper from the DRC (Democratic Republic of Congo). I wondered if he, too, had participated in any of these atrocities or if his mother or sister had been a victim.
Suddenly, I thought to myself, “This must be how those idiotic bloggers on the C-L Web site feel when they say that black folks shouldn’t have a ‘Black’ History Month or a ‘black’ caucus, or that they should form the ‘NAAWP!’” At that instant, I felt just as ignorant as those losers. The fact is, if you’re not in my shoes, you can never truly understand my pain. And likewise, if you’re not a woman, it’s difficult to empathize with what they go through or have experienced.
Fast forward to the next week when I found myself sitting in Galloway United Methodist Church speaking to a group of homeless folks. Over muffins, I listened to stories of police harassment, hardship and redemption. I found that a couple of bad apples were spoiling the whole bunch. But honestly, all I usually hear are those unfortunate incidents where a homeless guy has harassed a jogger or has broken into someone’s car or urinated on the side of a public building. I’ve got homies who live in the Plaza building, and they’ve nearly reached the point of zero tolerance.
As a businessman hoping to see downtown flourish, a homeless problem could be seen as “business” problem. But sitting at Galloway, I again thought about the people who say that “black folks should stop whining and just get a job,” or “pull themselves up by their bootstraps,” or that the “playing field is level.” I’ve heard countless people say that homeless people should just “get a job,” or “go stay at a shelter,” or “stop asking me for change.” None of them had heard the stories I’ve heard. And if you’re not homeless, there’s truly no way you can understand what a homeless person goes through.
It’s easy to form an opinion. It’s even easier to stand so firm in that opinion that you refuse to see things from an opposing view. It’s even easier to declare yourself “right” and deem any other thought “wrong” before you’ve had a chance to put yourself in someone else’s shoes.
If you’ve never been raped continuously by 30 men for two days, or have never gone from being self-employed to depending on shelters to feed yourself, or hell, been black, then you have no idea what it’s like. But understanding is half the battle, and it speaks to the basic human trait of wanting to do better.
So shut up occasionally and “listen.” You might just learn something—like I did.
And that’s the truth … sho-nuff.
Previous Comments
I heart this column, Kaze.
#144344 | Author: DonnaLadd | Date: Mar 5 2009
Fantastic article. I’m so glad you came to the performance. It was an honor to be one of the performers and to be able to bring The Vagina Monologues to Jackson.
#144357 | Author: janinejulia | Date: Mar 5 2009
Street Lawyer by John Grisham is a great book about the homeless in Washington, DC. It is enlightening and is a MUST READ for any advocate. Keep up the good work, Kaze.
#144380 | Author: RobbieLu | Date: Mar 5 2009
It’s easy to believe that in the 21st century, with graphic sexual images everywhere, that we have grown beyond any sensitivity when it comes to sex. Not true. In talking about the Vagina Monologues as an excited participant, I found that both men and women were embarrassed to even say the name. Educated, intelligent women lowered their voices when they inquired about tickets. Some could not even say the word “Vagina.” Why is it that something so essential to our existence is most frequently spoken of in childish slang? And why is the world-wide problem of femicide; the rape, murder, and mutilation of millions of women, so easy to look beyond?
#144387 | Author: empressjudykay | Date: Mar 5 2009
Good question. Age-old question. but what’s the solution. It seems that most conversations as it relates to human suffering of any kind are downplayed..
#144411 | Author: Kamikaze | Date: Mar 6 2009
Great article, Kaze! Let’s face it – we live in a self-centered society by design. It’s time to bring attention to the needs of others, even if you have to make some sacrifices. We would want the same done for us, right? The Golden Rule, people!
#144414 | Author: LatashaWillis | Date: Mar 6 2009
So true. We don’t want to acknowledge human suffering or wrong-doing because then we must do something. To acknowledge the wrong and do nothing makes us a part of the problem. We want to be let off the hook. For a brief period of time during the mid-90s, my family and I were members of First Baptist Church of Jackson. My then toddler called them “First Backwards,” which is ironic because Sunday after Sunday; bible study after bible study, we were met with suspicion and inhospitable silence. Each Sunday, the then pastor Frank Pollard, would preach about spreading love in the world, changing your life to adhere to Christian principles. And week after week the congregation sat motionless, seemingly determined to ignore any charge to change. We finally left the church after a Sunday School class discussion of why a slave would want to leave his slave master went bad. The teacher, who was a mental health professional, seemed shocked that a slave would not find honor in his forced servitude. I tried to give them a chance to hear what they were really saying without my input, but after a while I could no longer remain silent. Why would someone question why a slave would rather be free? How could educated, exposed people live with the belief that slavery of any kind is right? The fight against racism, femicide, social injustice are all problems that we would rather list under the “s**t happens” category than on our “to do” list. Sad, but true.
#144418 | Author: empressjudykay | Date: Mar 6 2009
The teacher, who was a mental health professional, seemed shocked that a slave would not find honor in his forced servitude. WHAAAAAAT?!?!?!
#144420 | Author: LatashaWillis | Date: Mar 6 2009
I heart this column too! I’m glad I got to be a part of the Vagina Monologues too, even if behind the scenes. Can’t wait for VDay 2010!
#144428 | Author: andi | Date: Mar 6 2009
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The Mississippi Free Press produced this story through the MFP Solutions Lab, supported by the Solutions Journalism Network. This series digs into Mississippi’s systemic issues and sheds light on responses to them in other communities. Beyond just reporting on problems, these stories interrogate their causes and inspect potential solutions.