Your international hustler is here to help the peoples who drive their raggedy cars to a low-paying, no- Medicaid-benefits job with the greatest invention since the Pocket Fisherman.
Pookie Peterz presents the Hoopty Motor Clubb Card. Use it at approved gas stations and quick auto-repair and oil change-n-lube centers in your area to receive gasoline and automobile discounts just like the Iraqis. Yes, purchase your gas as low as five cent a gallon!
To qualify for the Hoopty Motor Clubb Card, you must own a hoopty, live below the poverty line or work from paycheck to paycheck. Former Enron and Worldcom employees who have not found a job yet must submit proof via a valid letter of termination from either of the chief executive officers. All must fulfill additional Hoopty qualifications:
Your car is a hoopty when …
• Fix-A-Flat substitutes for a spare tire.
• 2 floor mats cover a big rust hole on the driver side.
• An oil rag functions as a defogger.
• A boom-box-radio operates as a car stereo system.
• You pay cash for your car.
Do not allow the inflated economy to limit your life. Join Pookie and become a card-carrying member of the Hoopty Motor Clubb. Order your card today! Send $19.99 plus state tax, Tic Tacs and shoe tacks to:
Hoopty Motor Clubb Card
P.O. 779311 multiplied by how many people watched the O.J. Simpson interview last week Waycross, Ga. 30347-½
To order by phone, call 1-800-hooptee.
WIC vouchers and food stamps are accepted.
Ken Stiggers is a television producer in Jackson.
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The Mississippi Free Press produced this story through the MFP Solutions Lab, supported by the Solutions Journalism Network. This series digs into Mississippi’s systemic issues and sheds light on responses to them in other communities. Beyond just reporting on problems, these stories interrogate their causes and inspect potential solutions.