Let's Talk About Sex, for Real - Mississippi Free Press

The times of neglecting to talk to kids about sex has ended. It used to be OK for adults to be silent about the issue. Good kids were just supposed to magically figure it out. The young women that didn’t figure it out were quietly whisked away to “grandma’s house,” where they would eventually give birth to their babies and hand them off to “deserving” parents. They would return home, only to receive disapproving stares from their mothers every day for the rest of their lives. Not once, of course, did society think to blame those silent parents.

After an afternoon of reading and editing stories for this issue, I returned home and began flipping through TV channels as I perused the refrigerator. I paused on the WAPT 10 p.m. news report by chance, long enough to see Joyce Brewer. I watched for a moment (I usually am a staunch supporter of WLBT) to see what news items were leading the evening report. “Shocked, Confused, Scared,” the anchors began. They continued, saying this is how Jamie Lynn Spears felt when she saw the “+” sign on her home pregnancy test.

I immediately began racking my brain, trying to figure out why the name sounded so familiar. In today’s media-friendly society, it’s easy to subliminally pick up things (which is how I know random words to Ashlee Simpson songs), so I thought perhaps I’d heard her name in background noise at some time. Then they displayed her picture, and I remembered. “Jamie Lynn Spears,” I said to myself.

Britney Spears’ 16-year-old sister, star of Nickelodeon’s television show “Zoey 101,” is having a baby. And it’s no wonder, judging by her troubled older sister. The Louisiana native is reportedly keeping her baby, which her Mississippi boyfriend fathered. I hate to give attention to anyone with the last name “Spears,” but I feel badly for that family.

I’m ashamed to say that I’ve never read a Sweet Potato Queens book, but I couldn’t prevent my fits of laughter as I read Kelly Bryan Smith’s review of Jill Conner Browne’s newest literary offering, “The Sweet Potato Queens’ Guide To Raising Children For Fun and Profit” (check it out here). In what appears to be an outrageously witty collection of stories and anecdotes, Browne takes the beta mom and beta mom-to-be through the ins and outs of child-rearing. I was hooked. I tried to think of any pregnant friends or family members that I could give the book to, but I was unsuccessful.

Considering that I had just read this review before leaving work that night, I immediately thought about what it would be like for Spears to read the new Sweet Potato Queens book. Would she find humor in it? Of course; it’s a humorous book. But through her laughter, would she find regret and fear?

In November, Ronni Mott wrote about the ineffectiveness of state programs in reducing teen pregnancy in Mississippi (“Abstinence-Only Doesn’t Work,” Vol. 6, No. 11). According to a report by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, “Programs that stress abstinence as the only acceptable behavior for unmarried teens have little evidence of delaying sexual activity or reducing other aspects of sexual behavior.” Mott wrote that in order to reduce teen pregnancies, we must educate about contraceptives and protection.

In Mississippi, the buckle of the Bible Belt, it is difficult for people to agree on sex practices and who they should apply to. But while “experts” were arguing about pre-marital sex and should/could/won’ts, our kids were getting busy—and without any guidance or direction. No matter what your stance is on sex, or the lack thereof, we’ve got to agree that teenagers need to stop having babies. Jamie Lynn Spears probably doesn’t know the first thing about raising a child (I know, who really knows anything about kids until they have them?). I don’t know what Spears’ sexual situation was, but I do know the situation of what is probably more than half of pregnant Mississippi teens: abstinence-only talks. What about the kids who are already having sex?

I’m not advocating that unmarried teenagers have active sex lives. That’s not what I believe. But maybe if parents or whoever would get over themselves long enough to talk to their kids about responsible sexual behavior, in addition to telling them that they shouldn’t be having any if that is what they believe, then perhaps Mississippi would not be No. 3 in the nation for unmarried births or a top contender for teen mothers and sexually transmitted disease cases.

My high school sex education consisted of a nine-week term at the end of the year, during which my health teacher talked about STDs and brought in “experts” from the health department that showed countless slides of inflamed penises and herpes breakouts. She was doing what was asked of her, but that isn’t quite the education that my peers and I needed. We still had pregnant students walking the halls, unaffected by threats of STDs.

What we needed were people who would treat us with respect, and tell us what we needed to know to maintain healthy lives.

Last year, my older sister called me to say that she’d had “the talk” with her 9-year-old son and daughter. My first reaction was a natural one: The horror! Why so young? But then she told me that when she had overheard one of their neighborhood friends talking about “tits,” she knew it was time. She explained how the “session” went, and I realized the beautiful innocence of children, their curiosity and lack of inhibition. After explaining what sex was and where babies came from, she opened the floor for questions. There were many of them, covering a wide range of sexual topics, but they were honest. They hadn’t reached that confused, awkward adolescence, yet, and that made everything 100 times less complicated. It was actually pretty cute.

It’s difficult to talk to your kids about sex, but you’ve got to saddle that bull and ride it. The state sure isn’t going to do it for you, and by ignoring the problem, you’re just making it worse.

Previous Comments

I agree with what you said. I wonder if parents are afraid that their kids would indulge in sexual behaviors if they told them about sex. Parents should talk to their kids about sex and the ramifications that go along with it. In Jamie Lynn Spears’ case, you would think someone of her stature would know about the risks of having sex. But who knows? Maybe she does but thinks that having a baby will make her feel loved. I’m not suggesting she doesn’t feel love by her parents and sister, but it’s something to think about.

#75782 | Author: golden eagle | Date: Dec 27 2007

Maggie, Wow..what a tour de force of writing. You had me going in three different directions and then you brought it all home to a memorable and thought provoking conclusion. I agree, I agree, I agree. Sounds like you’ve been talking to my wife! You described exactly what she did with my son and daughter. Had it been left up to me, I am sad to say they would have had to “figure it out for themselves”…I didn’t step up to the plate. All praises to God and my wife that he escaped making that most human of mistakes…. So far. Keep up the good work

#75783 | Author: FrankMickens | Date: Dec 27 2007

#75784 | Author: LatashaWillis | Date: Dec 28 2007

I need the book. I’m just saying. I’ve had the talk. It’s progressed since this one: http://www.jacksonfreepress.com/comments.php?id=6050_0_7_0_C It’s really very painless. We know that they know more than we think. The best thing to do is just ANSWER their questions honestly when they ask! With none of that “you know” and “down there” and “you’re too young to know” crap. The only thing they are too young for is a baby.

#75785 | Author: emilyb | Date: Dec 28 2007

I don’t believe in premarital sex You don’t know what you’re missing!

#75786 | Author: golden eagle | Date: Dec 31 2007

Golden, you are such a man. 😛

#75787 | Author: LatashaWillis | Date: Dec 31 2007

Golden, you are such a man. 😛 Last time I checked, I was.

#75788 | Author: golden eagle | Date: Dec 31 2007