The world has changed a lot. I’m not shocked that President Trump won, but it feels as if I have personally been made to be different by this change. It’s simply that whatever reality white men like me are living in, I feel that I cannot possibly be in the same place and must be someplace other. I feel afraid of this sudden sobriety that maybe I am outside of the so-called “silent majority.” What has separated me like this?
I grew up around the same puffed-out chests and stubbornness that burned to keep alive a certain southern way of life. I knew the distance traveled between the virulent racism of relatives and the comparative limpness of fights over political correctness. I know the quiet conversations with older men who share their self-acknowledged inappropriate thoughts and beliefs, which gives us our first taste of acceptance into manhood. I know the snideness of being in the room when people are making fun of a Black person for saying “aks,” instead of “ask,” which is never said to be, but is inevitably about supposed racial superiority.
I know you’ll read this and push back, but given the opportunity to change, you know that you would always choose your whiteness.
I don’t know exactly why, when I’ve grown from the same soil, that I have become so horrified that we re-elected Trump, yet you voted for him. Your reasoning may be eloquent, or dogwater bad. Today, I do not care. Today we put away boyish questions so that I can address you man to man.
We have collectively voted for mass deportations, tariffs destructive to the American people, abortion bans, mass repeals of federal funding for social safety nets (despite being the state that receives the most support from the federal government), the destruction of the Department of Education and more.
The world our country has chosen is one where the government doesn’t help you. We’ve put our lives in each other’s hands. That means that when we say the “community” will do something, we must read each of our own names written there.
All of the times people have said that the church must house the homeless and feed the starving have led us to a time when we must be the church. All of the times people have said that neighbor must take care of neighbor has led us to a time when we must be the one taking care. If you’ve been upset about the lack of responsibility in our culture, congratulations, you must now be accountable and honorable to those views, or people will die. That has been the choice made.
I see you. I want you to know that. I see the masculinity in you desperate to bloom into something heroic, protective, amazing. In my heart of hearts, I genuinely hope it does; however, I fear too often our desires for greatness as men are rooted in memories of fathers, uncles, brothers and grandfathers publicly making fun of us for being sissies.
Our fear of that feeling, to publicly be known as feminine, will not allow us to be the kind of man we desire to be. It will not allow us healthy relationships with the women in our lives, either. In the moments when it is cast as effeminate to empathize for those who are suffering, where will you find your courage?
Like kudzu, the feeling of unworthiness spreads in us as we watch others receive the things our egos are so desperate to deserve. It hurts to shrivel in the dark, feeling as if the light of validation shines on everyone else. Unhitched, living apart from those we’d make assumptions about, the weeds will grow up until even who and what we are cannot be seen through them.
You’ve forgotten the golden rule and instead have chosen a world that will take from, criminalize and prioritize retribution against others. Do not be surprised when the inverse of this rule is also true, and you have taught folks that your needs are never enough to be worthy of help.
God brought us each into this world made in his image; we must choose to see that “everyone (we) are looking at is also (us),” as James Baldwin said. We must learn that neglect of communities of color often brings with it neglect for poor white communities. Setting standards in the law to protect communities who are often the targets of bigotry is a way we reaffirm the humanity and dignity of all.
I am inviting you to be the man that you believe that you are—because right now, I call bullshit. If folks had really ever believed that community and capitalism could solve our social ills, then that would be actively happening in our communities. It’s either a lie or those that believe it don’t also believe that we should be helping people. Last I checked, folks who are homeless still stand at the 55 South exit on Lakeland every day.
With that being said, we’re going to lose social services and protections. That sucks, and I do believe that is the result of awful human choices. I do hold you responsible, but I am also asking you to be responsible—as has always been the plea of the right-leaning voter. Will you find a way to help?
As a man, is your self worth going to rest in not being too sissy and being accepted by those who think y’all are racially superior, or will you try to help some folks stay alive?
This MFP Voices essay does not necessarily represent the views of the Mississippi Free Press, its staff or board members. To submit an opinion for the MFP Voices section, send up to 1,200 words and sources fact-checking the included information to voices@mississippifreepress.org. We welcome a wide variety of viewpoints.
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