Being single after 40 is not a failure or something to be pitied—it is an act of courage, self respect and emotional maturity in a culture that still measures worth by marital status. By the time you reach 40, people start looking at your love life as if it’s a math problem that still has not been solved.
Friends mean well, but the pity in their eyes can be louder than their words. “You’ll find someone,” they say. “You just need to get out more,” they say, as if you’ve somehow intentionally hid yourself from the world. As if love were a finish line you’ve somehow missed. But love after 40 isn’t an afterthought—it’s a quiet, deliberate act of courage. It’s choosing to stay open in a world that keeps telling you time has run out.
At 40, the questions start to sound more like judgments. “You’re such a catch—why are you still single?” people ask. “You are a beautiful woman, and smart too—what’s wrong with you,” their curiosity vaguely wrapped in concern. They are questions meant to flatter, but underneath it lies an assumption: that in being single after 40, you are somehow considered incomplete or unfulfilled. The social pressures to be coupled after40 can be draining and completely overwhelming for some women, and as Elyakim Kislev noted, singleness hits differently at different stages of your life.
What few acknowledge is that being single after 40 often takes more courage than being coupled. It means facing yourself, your choices and your life with honesty—and choosing dignity over desperation. It’s choosing pride over meekness or connection over discord.
Love does not have an expiration date. A life lived without a partner does not deserve sympathy. It is not a tragedy to be pitied.
Why is it that when you are over 40, family, friends and sometimes co-workers have a difficult time accepting that you are over 40 and single? Why is it that every meme on Instagram that is sent to you involves motivational posts about finding love after 40 or success stories about women finding the “love of their life” after 40? Do you reek of loneliness? Are you depressed or are you desperate? You do not need reminding that you are single. You do not need reminding that you are the only single person in your friend circle, and you do not need reminding during game night that you are the only person without a partner.
Despite not having a husband, most women are content knowing that eventually their happily ever after will come when it is right and not forced. Society must not conform to what tradition has rendered “acceptable” or “correct” but understand that this day and age is not what was. The social structures have changed. Our culture celebrates independence until it sees it in a single woman or man past a certain age. Independence is recast as loneliness and solitude is mistaken for failure. But what if singlehood after 40 isn’t about lacking love—what if it’s about redefining it? The bravery of being 40 and single is the bravery of owning your story—of standing unashamed in a world that loves labels. It’s knowing that love, when it comes, will meet you as an equal, not a rescue. Until then, you are already enough.
Turning 40 does not place a death sentence over your head. It does not mean that you have failed at life because you do not have a husband in your arms. It is time for family and friends to recognize the harm in these “well-meaning” questions. Stop assuming that because of their lack of companionship, single women are lonely, depressed or even sad. We need to retire the language of “still single” and “waiting for someone.” Some people are simply living—fully, freely and with purpose. Being single after 40 is not a pause before life begins. It is life—brave, beautiful, and entirely whole.
The truth is, love after 40—whether it’s with someone new or with yourself—comes from a deeper place. It’s less about filling a void and more about sharing abundance. It’s no longer a race to be chosen, but a quiet insistence on being seen for who you are.
This MFP Voices opinion essay reflects the personal opinion of its author(s). The column does not necessarily represent the views of the Mississippi Free Press, its staff or board members. To submit an opinion for the MFP Voices section, send up to 1,200 words and sources fact-checking the included information to voices@mississippifreepress.org. We welcome a wide variety of viewpoints.